ohh the late night thinking...

....I really really hope this doesn't come off as me complaining about my life. no no. This isn't the case. Right now it's just "one of those moments" where the thinking wont stop. [[am i feeling down?]] WEIRD. really really weird. Im never sad. genuinely! I can be bummed out about something but it never alters my mood....but lately, man a lot of little things got to me. I feel like this...



Just blank and pensive. [[whyyyy self?!!]]

I do NOT understand where my BLAH-ness is coming from. I've just been simply hard on myself.

[[school]]. Nursing School...medicine,...k yah i know it's not easy but i always had that "eh" im gonna be fine attitude about it. People always say "medicine isn't for everyone"...i said "it can't be that hard"....(reality check)...Medical Pathophysiology devoured me!! 80% - that's nearly failing...i was holding on to dear life and the FINAL came...yep, i died. below a 77 is a -FAIL- ...welp, i joined that group. At first, i brushed it off, no biggie, i can retake it in August and continue with nursing school...im not gonna give up-no way!! and that's [[still]] the plan. To retake the course in August, start hospital rotations and go on from there. Normal yeah?...well, im hard on myself. I feel like a total failure and waste of time. I shouldn't. I know i shouldn't- Nursing School is tough...people drop out all the time and many give up. IM NOT GIVING UP. this is just a set back. But still...being reminded that im not in school right now (even though it's summer) makes me feel-NOT GOOD AT ALL. I feel like a waste of time and space....the pressure from my parent's doesn't help. THey want the best for me- love them. But "you're not doing anything with your life right now, you're not even in school"...yah, those hurt. BAD. Im gonna be a dang Nurse and the best one i can be- sorry for not being a genius and getting destroyed by pathophysiology...but seriously just thinking of how i should be in classes right now through summer make me so mad at myself. I could have read more, studied more-etc. I belive 100% that everything happens for a reason- i truly do. But im being stubborn with this one and blame me 100%. [sure, the class was taught by a coo coo Doctor but whatevs] . It STINKS so bad to feel like a failure. that's what i feel like. Im not even working with my license i have in the state board of Nursing- maybe i should and feel better about myself cause being with patients completes me! Being there to make someone feel better-a perfect stranger- makes me so so happy!! I just uhhhh....bump on the road. It happens- im not the first nor the last person to have a set back in their medical program. Im just upset with myself and feel like im failing at everything. Not a fun feeling. I had a totally positive attitude about it all but really....after the pressure from family comes in- it hurts.


[[dating]] . I hate touching up on this subject cause im not in any sort of rush for anything!! Im a firm believer in "when your time is right"...i really [[really]] believe in that with all my heart and know that if i haven't found someone right now, it's cause im simply not ready, it's not my time, and there is more for me to learn and grow. Got it- totally okay with that and im patient. But what bothers me is the mere lack of (dating). Seriously, guys STEP UP AND ASK GIRLS ON DATES!! [[DATES}} ...no more "hanging out"...call it A DATE!! i go back to the talk by Elder Oaks on dating vs. hanging out. WHY OH WHY do i get stuck on that? it's almost like i need to "not be friends" with a guy so maybe he can see me as "the girl" and not "the friend"...does that make sense? [[though-....the BEST relationships, in my opinion, are those where you end up dating your best guy friend- the guy you are closest to- the one you can text the most randommmm thing to cause something reminded you of them. The one you can tell about your upcoming plans, important things going on or something cool you're excited to buy. A great friend whom you get closer to and before you know it-fall for]].... too much disney? i think not. I think it's out there. Sadly, not all of your "close guy friends" will develop feelings- it happens. it sucks. pero que se puede hacer? No es facil olvidar esos sentimientos, pero de algo sirve la experiensa para que cuando encuentres ESA PERSONA, sepas con sertesa lo que te gusta, y lo que no te gusta. Do i make myself clear? yes.


I felt like i gave myself a pitty party the other night- I missed church on Sunday cause i couldn't walk (I have back problems) and had the worlds biggest headache. Missing church was a bad idea. I felt unhappy that day. Monday, same story. I was just not in my best of moods and i really dont like myself when im not positive. it's weird....it's not me. I'm never negative or bummed out/sad/irritated with everything. I felt just low. weird, even remembering how i felt feels weird cause it's not like me at all. All i knew is i needed out of my house STAT. Monday night i took a venting drive blasting my favorite "CREEP" song by Ingrid Michaelson. Boy, it feels good yelling that song at the top of my lungs. I was in such a weird mood- just not happy and almost mad...but mad at what? how i was feeling inpatient with dating? how i felt like a failure with nursing school? how everything was bothering me and i just wanted to book a flight to Peru? yah...not fun. I wanted to pray about it, read my scriptures, get on my knees to humbly pray. But for some dumb reason, i failed to humble myself to pray!! What was wrong with me!!!! The answer is so obvious that when you're having a rough moment, turn to the One who will lift your heavy heart...but why wasn't i doing that? Why was i not humbling myself to just talk to my Heavenly Father about my hearts desires and pray to be uplifted?...I kept driving and before i knew it...i ended up approaching the Temple. The second i made the turn unto "pioneer" and saw the Temple....I became overwhelmed instantaneously and began weeping. I went driving with a broken heart, ended up at the Temple and sobbed....I just started [[talking]] about how i felt unhappy when i have no reason to be, it's just a weird moment.






.... I was humbled quickly and just spoke my hearts desires concerning life, school and my degree im pursuing and of course the lovely subject of "when's my time going to be right?"...the typical. Without getting into to much of my personal testimony, let's just say the Lord is wonderful- before i knew it, i immediately just stopped crying and the most divine power of happiness came over me. A load taken off my chest and a warm hug was felt. AMAZING. Such an indescribable feeling. I didn't feel silly at all for spontaneously weeping the second i saw the Temple. It was so humbling and i felt SO SO SO SOOOOOO loved and reassured that I wont' be denied of any blessings [[Patriarchal Blessing helped greatly]]. It was SO WONDERFUL to have left my house with a grumpy attitude and come back with the most uplifted heart and spirit....[[such a testimony builder]].

Im silly for being stubborn at first but boy does the Spirit humble you fast! I learned so much from myself this week.

Tonight, i got to thinking again. Similar subject as the ones i had been having a hard time with on Monday- But my Patriarchal blessing sits in my scriptures next to my bed- and picking it up to read it, humbled me once again. GAH if i could write all my feelings down, we'd be here hours!!



1. School...people go back to school at age 2769129...yeah, I'm 20 and a nurse at 21...what was i thinking being so hard on myself? I can do it, i now know what to expect with Patho and i gotta kick it in the butt this August!

2. blah blah blah Im gonna work on ME and do my thing and enjoy life and not stress about dating...if one comes my way, awesome. If not....in due time. Whyyyy was i stressing? there's no need to nor is there an expiration date so geez silly girl stop listening to "society" and focus on yourself....whatever happens happens, until then...Come what may and love it :)

3. I can never ever allow myself to be stubborn and feel like i couldn't get on my knees...what was i thinking? im so grateful for my huge humbling experience upon seeing the Temple....the person i should have turned to FIRST was there all along and will be there unconditionally. amazing, isn't it?

4. The sad spirit doesn't fit me well at all...so,...carry on with my happiness. I learn something everyday and testimony building experiences are always welcomed :)

first Mesa FroYo... :)

My nephew, Noah, is a little stud who can't make a serious face to save his life!! He brings so much joy into my life [just like the rest of my nephews & niece]. He was at my house while his dad [my brudder] went to work. He tends to bug his older brother [jude-9] and at one point, Jude was a stinker and pushed him off the couch. Ohhh little booger! I felt so bad cause Noah just wanted to hang out with his cool older brother...so i decided to take him on a car ride to my favorite place- [[[Mesa Froyo]]]. I had already taken the twins (Jude&Skye) but never Noah, so it was his turn. i had the best time with him!! My little 5 year old stinker had the best conversation topics....we talked about his transformers toys, video games, his "girlfriend", how im 100 years old, how he knows how to drive but can't get his license till he's a few feet taller, chihuahuas...oh the list goes on. I love this kid so stinkin' much!! Probably my favorite froyo date with a little gentlman ever :)

Ill get my floaties

I say this a lot but i wont ever stop being grateful for my awesome friends!! On a random friday morning, Kandice and i had planned to go swimming with some friends, instead...her brother suggested the lake and off we went! I have a dislocated sacrum (for the past 6 months, woops i should stop being stubborn and go to the chiro) So i can't do anything rough, aka no wake boarding or tubing. i attempted to tube a few weeks ago- bad idea, i was up till 4am with terrorizing pain!! So this time, i just chilled on da boat. I love muh friends! we had so much fun.

Then Saturday, a few of my friends put on a pudding slide, BRILLIANT IDEA!!! what is it you wonder?...huge slip n' slide but full of pudddddding!! There was definitely more boys than girls, i guess some girls are too cute to get down and dirty. I wished i had pictures with the pudding on us, we were DRENCHED IN PUDDING!!! i cannot explain how fun it was!! Some guy i met pushed me down the slide- bad idea, i landed straight on my tush therefore hurting my back even more! my chiro is gonna yell at me when i tell him i haven't been careful. I have 11 bruises. love battle wounds! and i also have scratches alllll down my thigh. ouch, but so worth it!! after the nasty mess, we went to kandices to swim.

CONFESSION: i cannot swim.


well, i can. Like, i wont drown if i fall in the water but i can't stay in the deep end long cause i dont know how to tread water and i have to plug my nose. i cannot hold my breath. Something me and michelle discovered is that we cannot CANNOT CAN NOTTTTT be in the deep end and have a laugh attack- it is impossible for me to keep swimming while laughing. it's like my brain can't do both at the same time so...i drown. Im pretty sure years ago my friend Serena and Anais have had to save me from drowning due to laughing. HAHA!!

My friends tried teaching me to tread water. i can do it for.... 3 seconds. then i get tired and decide to give up. Trevor is a good swimmer and i make him be my dolphin. bad idea. when he went under water, i pointed my feet subconsciously and had the worlds worst foot cramp. owie. This was just this weekends adventures. i loved it mucho mucho bastante!! mmMmMMm Summer fun :)

can you feel the magic?

First of all, I have been blessed with the most amazing best-sistah-friends i could have ever asked for! My girls and I were in need of a vacation so we hit the road to California!! We stayed the first two nights in San Clamente with the AMAZING Dawson family who i absolutely adore! [[ thank you for everything you did for us, Andrea! ]] . I love staying there. That family is amazing and the kids are precious and so talented.

Day one: we woke up, enjoyed breakfast and relaxed- the weather was lovely! We had no plans which meant, we could be spontaneous. Andrea suggested Hollywood- okay!! we mapquested and hit the road. Hollywood was AMAZING!! so many stars to see and lots of interesting people [[ill explain]]. We went into the wax museum and took pictures like crazy- it was really really neat. My favorite was the Joker. As we kept walking, i ran into my interesting person of the day-ELMO. He was wearing a lakers jersey in support of the game that night against the [[SUNS!!]]. Im a stinker, so i couldn't walk by ELMO without commenting on his jersey-...bad idea. ELMO trash talked me and even made a dirty comment about my SUNS...not needed...i walked away. [[still wishing i'd gotten my picture with him]]. Interesting elmo. haha we went to eat at some rockets place? haha i dont remember the name, just that my chicken did not make me have a party in my tummy. ((haha!!)). The red carpet premiere of Prince of Persia was there too....famous people. Cool. we breathed the same air. TRAFFIC WAS A POOPOO HEAD!! i give mad props to tori and michelle for driving in it. We had a really good day! We headed home and enjoyed amazing KFC that the home teachers had taken over. We watched some TV and then Alyssa and i went upstairs and listened to music and played M.A.S.H. It was a must...my future didn't make me very happy though, i married Goran Dragic...sigh...if only :)

Day two: Woke up to another lovely day on base. Alyssa started singing a song about the beach, ohhh my special little girl haha!! We got ready for the beach and went down to the beach on the marine base. It felt like a private beach- just us. So what do we do?...oh you know it....SAND CASTLES!!! bahaha we took lots of beach toys and made sand castles. So fun. The water was freezing but we still played around in it. we layed out for a bit and relaxed to the breeze and sound of the ocean. it was perfect!! I had a lot on my mind the week previous to going to California. It was perfect timing going to california, the beach is perrrrfect to help clear my mind and ease muh heart :) loved it so much!! After playing at the beach, we showered and got ready to head to Huntington to visit Tyler, our handsome pilot friend. We checked into our hotel-motel-days inn and jumped on the bed before heading towards Huntington. Tyler took us to the pier where we had dinner at BJ's. His friends met up with us and we walked down the pier and into the closed off street where stands were up and people sold random awesomeness. We had a lot of fun,...anddd i fell in love with Huntington. There's a hospital close to the pier...everywhere needs a nurse right? hehe. It had been a loooong day so when we got to our hotel, we crashed and went to bed cause the best day of all was just a few hours ahead....

Day three: HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!! why yes, you guessed it, DISNEYLAND!! after 14 years, i finally went back to the happiest place on earth where [as the worker lady told me] I am a beautiful princess :) [[chuckle]]. I LOVED IT!! we owe it all to the incredible FRANK for getting us an awesome deal-FREE PARK HOPPER..oh that's right boy! what's up! haha it was incredible!! first thing i did, was buy a disneyland shirt and wore it all day long. we ran to space mountain and buahaha it was so great. It was a wednesday so the lines weren't long at allll!! the longest we waited was 30 minutes at the soar over california ride. every bit of disney was amazing. CHURROS. need i say more? .... it is heavenly!! California adventure was so fun too! tower of terror made me very happy! i saw stitch and ran to him to take a picture. lets just say there are tons of pictures haha it was such a great day at the park. so many things to do, see, eat and smile over. it was perfect. no worries or concerns. Just...magical :) we had a 12 hour day at the park. back at our hotel-motel-days inn...we got into our jammies and ordered pizza and DP. amazing. mMMmmm great day indeed!!

Day four: hit the road back home.

I am so grateful for this trip with my girls. It was great. Perfect timing for all of us to vacation. It was amazing and i am so so so blessed to have had this experience with such wonderful women and examples. love muh life!

Sealing :)

there's been a lot of random awesomeness going on. But above ALL of them is my Sealing to my parents in the Mesa, AZ Temple on may 8th :) . i didn tell many people at all cause it's very personal and something super special and if i publicized it ,...idk its just me keeping it close to my heart. It was THE MOST AMAZING experience ever. Words cannot describe it. I cannot wait to go into the Temple again someday but this time with my eternal companion. Im so blessed and thankful to be sealed to my parents for time and all eternity. Seriously cannot begin to express how wonderful the experience was. The Temple workers i got to hang out with were really awesome and they wanted to set me up with their sons haha it was fun hanging out with them while I waited to go into the sealing room. I wish i could describe all the beauty i witnessed, I am so happy i had this opportunity. I love mi familia :) After the sealing we went to this 5 star Peruvian restaurant in Chandler...it was bomb dot com!! They even had my peruvian ice cream...mMmmmmm!!!

Life is great :)


This Sunday, my best friends and i are hitting the road to California!! we are staying at the same marine base we stayed in last time with michelle's amazing cousin.Im excited to see her and her kids again, they are precious!! Then tuesday we are driving to Anaheim and checking into our hotel on Disney drive...then...wednesday ill be in the happiest place on earth!!! park hopper tickets for free!! (Thank you Frank-you are amazing!!) . what a blessing right? i am so grateful, it will be a remarkable trip with my bestest girl friends.

This trip came at a perfect time as well :) Tori just finished her first block of dental hygeine school and chelle finished a hard hard semester-she was always packed!! Alyssa is working doing what she loves and her new boss is amazing and let her have the week off :) Me, school is out for a while, im working and being cool.


haha boys...i've been SO blessed with amazing best-guy friends who are there for me and always remind me of my worth and how the guy i like is so lucky to even have me like them haha my boys are biased though :) But im grateful for good friendships. Dating is slow...boys need to grow a pair and call girls up to go on dates. I hate the idea of guys thinking they HAVE to spend money on awesome dates and go all out...yes, that's nice, but there are girls like me who are perfectly fine doing something chill, coloring at park, whatever just so you have good conversation and actually get to know each other. no superficial crap. I learned this year to be straight up with guys. I wasted so much time playing the "im trying to read you, what are we" game and i have wasted so much time on guys with that game. New motto, be straight up, what do you have to lose right? sometimes it'll work, sometimes it wont....either way you grow so much and im so grateful for my newly found courage. confidence is key. I love my friends and situations where i learn from them and myself.


I cannot wait for California this week and disney!! it's been 14 yrs since i've been to disney...SO EXCITED!!! ah ah ah love muh life!

Ohhh the Sweet Spirit

So Conference weekend was amazing!! I look forward to it every 6 months and always end on such a spiritual high. the talks were phenomenal, as always, and it's remarkable how you can always apply the talks to your individual life. Conference is beautiful, and left me with an even bigger "umph" to want to gain moooooore spiritual knowledge. Im not where i'd like to be and have so much more to learn. I cannot wait to start studying the scriptures MORE in depth.. I just want to know more more more. I feel like recently i've been more concerned about my secular studies that i began to neglect my spiritual studies, which should come first. I've neglected to fulfill my calling in church due to my immense amount of dedication to my secular studies and i dont feel very good about that. Hopefully i can change my time management and fix that stat :)

I went on a little shopping spree to deseret books and bought "the remarkable soul of a woman" by elder Uchtdorf...i cannot wait to read it!! I also bought this really great book about "dating vs. hanging out" and the whole "dating" thing leading up to marriage and self esteem, tips, etc. it's just a really great book and i wished i knew about it sooner. it makes boys make sense :) (and girls!)

Missionary work opportunities are around every corner and i LOVE THEM!! I sincerely love the feeling of helping others and doing all i can to make someones day brighter. I love when those i've talked to about the Gospel tell me they've invited missionaries to their home, it's the most rewarding feeling knowing that i had a small part of aiding someone towards discovering our amazing Gospel and hopefully soon baptism :D . In church, im fairly quiet and dont make comments during Sunday school...but trust me i have SO many thoughts running through my mind and so many questions too! I love going to the Temple to study the scriptures...you can study them anywhere where you feel comfort and peace and able to feel the spirit, and one of my favorite places to do so is at the Temple. It's kind of perfect.

Friends,...im so grateful to have my best friends be such an example to me. everyone has their own unique life story with their own trials and experiences that make us grow and become stronger. We all have had trials, all of us...and it's comforting to know that we will never be alone through them. ever! Im so blessed with great women in my life that influence me every day, the main one being my mama :) Guy friends- same story, righteous men who are worthy priesthood holders and always there willing to help. Im so lucky to have great guy friends who are concerned about me, how school goes, if im sick, sad over a boy, etc! Great guys who are there willing to listen to my "silly girl story" about the guy i like and are there to give me great advice or a big hug if im upset. they're wonderful and they know who they are.

Dating,..."dating vs. hanging out" was a grrrreat talk given by Elder Oaks and it's something i need to do more reflecting about because i have gotten myself caught up in that trend. It's so comfortable to hang out but "you miss 100% of the shots you dont make". (i've definitely been reading my new book, haha!!). I haven't gone on a date in like...okay 2 weeks but before then it hadn't been since...early march? okay that's not even bad but in my head my thoughts make sense haaha! there are "special guys" in my life right now, okay that statement is singular not plural...just one. he's wonderful-there are so many qualities i really admire and i wish i could freely tell him all of that but I gotta give it time. It's a complicated situation, but it's one i cannot turn my back on. I've tried...ohhhh i've tried....but it's impossible to let go for some reason beyond my understanding. I know everything will be fine though, i KNOW it...gotta love the power of prayer, yeah?

Blessings....IT'S ALL AROUND ME!! every second of the day i'm surrounded by reminders to why im so lucky to be a daughter of a Heavenly King who loves me and has shown me so by all the wonderful blessings im surrounded with. It's impossible to not be grateful, we are all SO fortunate!


basically,....Life is wonderful! trials, frustrations, doubts and insecurities....BLEH ON THEM! we will all grow and learn from them...im learning everyday and growing everyday from different trials placed before me. but we all need to remember we will NEVER go through them alone, ever! Where would i be without this wonderful Gospel? i dont even want to think about it!! I just know im so fortunate for my knowledge and so grateful for being part of His great plan :)

ohhh da lovin'

Welp, life is good. Busy. Busy. Busy. But im right where i want to be. I have been blessed with the most amazing friends i could ask for. They support me and are always there for me. Let's see...school. It's bomb dot com. I have two RN bff's, Cadie and Kelly and they are amazing women! I am in my second clinical rotation with Cadie at an acute Hospital and it's AWESOME! i've never been in a hospital setting so im seeing a LOT of sweet stuff!! One thing that im already annoyed with is the monotonous gowning on isolated patients cause they're almost all on isolation. It's just a pain whenever i gown up and realized for i forgot something and have to do it all over again. I love my clinical experiences! I dont really have a life outside of school. I hang out with my friends on weekends and it's the highlight of my week. There's been so many weddings lately, the beautiful Jentry, Rhayna and Stacey got married recently and the gorgeous Lindsay just had her baby!! now we are waiting for my niece, Bella Miller, to be born...Amy was due on the 21st, she's already 4 days late haha silly girl :) . Hmm,..let's see ...boys?..ha! Ill keep that to myself, thank you :) some give me headaches and some scare me haha im just loving it all! oh! My really good friend is home from the mission and it's great to have him back, even though i've only hung out with him very few times haha but nothing's changed, he's still the same o' stinker! Tori is doing so good in her program, im so proud of her and have no doubt she'll be the best dental hygeinest around!! Teeth scare me, i could never go down that road career wise. eek! I discovered new music, Cartel being my recent obsession. I now go to bed around 10 pm and wake up when the sky is far from waking up. My dad went to peru for a few weeks and returned with lots of candies, my favorite!! My nephews and niece are growing so fast and are gaining such a strong personality, i love them , they are brilliant!! MmM im done writing for now...let's just say i love life :)