To Infinity and Beyond: March 2012

So, I'm new at this whole relationship thing. Max is my first legit boyfriend with the title and everything! I'm so used to doing the whole "hang out with a guy all the time and flirt and hold hands but it doesn't go further than that cause he's a chicken and i'm a sissylala" thing that now that i'm in a real relationship, I had no idea what to do!!

Here are some things i wished came with instructions:

1. How to set appropriate time limits. Without realizing it, I ended up demanding all his free time. And his free time is very limited with school and work. I wanted him to spend all his free time with me cause I'd always be so excited to spend time with him. BUTTTTTTT...I failed to recognize that he also deserved to spend time with his friends, just like I got to see mine while he was at work. Whenever he'd call me and would say he was going to a friends house before seeing me, i'd get upset cause i wanted him to be with me. ....I know, i sound like a typical crazy girlfriend right? But he was always so amazing and took all my crap, because he loves me. I always pouted whenever he didnt immediately come running to me but i was being selfish. I'm just so grateful that he never got mad at me for being a brat nor that he ever threw it in my face at how i was acting. He's so patient with me. I promise i'm changing my ways and realizing my lesson number 1: It is okay to not spend every second of our free time together. Sounds simple, but in the middle of my "oh i love you" stage i forgot to think of him and realize that it is okay that i'm not his only best friend.

2. How to compromise. Again, this is my first real relationship,...I used to think I was always so chill and that nothing ever bothered me. I still am like that, if you say jump i'll say how high...i dont mind doing things he wants to do. But sometimes he wants me to choose specifically what we do, or what music we listen to on the road. And i truly don't care! But he gets annoyed that i never choose. I HATE MAKING DECISIONS. sorry? So we compromised with it...I choose an activity, he chooses the next. I plug in what i like to listen to, even though he doesn't like hip hop/rap, and then ill listen to his John Mayer music. I learned to like John mayer. I'm the only girl in my family,..aka okay, i get things my way all the time. But now im learning my lesson number 2: Keep the party at peace, and compromise! I love him enough to drop my ghetto music and he loves me enough to listen to it whenever i want to get hyphy. aw yeah!!

3. How to be his girlfriend, not his mom. Sounds funny, but i have this thing called I worry too much. Yeah, it's a disease, I wanna take care of everyone and take everyone by the hand,...maybe it has to do with my career in Nursing?? but anyways,..when my boyfriend speeds, i get scared and tell him to slow down. yeah, i'm that girl. When he wants to spend money on cool gadgets for his car, i tell him to save his money! ...that's a reasonable one, but i gotta realize he's a boy, he wants his cool toys and i'm not his wife. If he doesn't wanna save, he doesn't have to. IIIII just want him to save cause i'm a worry wart about finances. again, life lesson number 3: Be the girlfriend more than the mom. I have his best interest at heart, that's okay, but i can't control him. oooooo

Now here's what gets me...he is so incredibly patient with me that he never ever complained of anything i do! I realized i was doing those things after a conversation with my cousin who is a psychiatrist (free advice session? yes please!). When i spoke with him, i apologized for all those things i did, ESPECIALLY #1 cause i'd always get so mad...he wasn't expecting it. But he's so so good to me that he never spoke up to me cause he loves me so much, he was willing to take all my crap. but how can i fix it if i didnt know? well now i know.

Relationships are hard work!! it's no longer the "darlene" show, it's now the "darlene has a boyfriend to be thoughtful of" show and i'm learning SO much!! I feel bad he has to put up with me, i can be such a brat. But every time i get those meaningful hugs where he holds me tight and whispers how much he loves me...it makes me want to be the best i can be for him! He is amazing to me, and i'm learning more and more every day :)

Again, i don't know where life will take us, but I know im learning a lot about relationships and myself.

He took me to build a bear on feb 13th for vday (i worked a 14 hr shift on vday) and he made me a cat that we dressed up as buzz lightyear. AKA BUZZ IN BOOTS!