He loves me through my madness...

IT'S FINALS WEEK AND I HAVE BEEN A CRAZY CRAZY PSYCHO MESS!!

Background Information::I had the HESI-LPN exam on Monday and let me tell you, I have been on EDGE times a million. This test is my biggest test in the Nursing program so far and I heard it was hard. It's testing me on the past 18 months of nursing school and I was doubting myself like crazy! The stress had me SNAPPING at everyone!! I live with my parents, so they got the worst end of my crappy attitude. Then, there's my poor boyfriend, Max...

... Ohhh Max. Everything he said or did, I took it wrong and made myself get offended just to have a reason to be mean to him. WHY, SELF, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?...i dunno. IM CRAZY. He would call me every night we didnt see each other and i'd be short and would make sure he noticed my crappy attitude cause I WAS JUST MISERABLE WITH MYSELF. I'd pout because he wouldn't text me back a lot during the day time, but c'mon self he's in school all day and I expected him to be there at the snap of my fingers. AGAIN, WHY SELF? WHY? CAUSE I WANTED ATTENTION. i was stressing, I wanted him to baby me. He's never seen me react to HIGH STRESS, and I felt bad cause i knew what i was doing to him but i just wanted him to drop everything and anything he was doing to be there for me. But i didn't realize that HE WAS THERE FOR ME, he text me the sweetest things of comfort and always called me...i just was a brat and had a crappy attitude. When I stress, I STRESS and I am the worst!


The Humbling process...
On the Saturday before my Monday HESI exam, I was again in a bad mood studying all day feeling "alone" in the process cause Max was at work and i hadn't seen him in a few days. He calls me after work, a few hours before we were supposed to go to a reception, to ask me what candies I liked. (at this point, i was annoyed thinking: what the crap weirdo!) I responded rudely "I dont like candy. I hope you're not getting me anything, I dont need anything from you.." "I'm not getting you anything! I had left overs and was gonna bring you some..."...i was short and ended the conversation. I got ready for the reception thinking it'd be a nice break from studying. I was still annoyed with Max cause he had also told me he was thinking of going to Flagstaff that night which meant i wouldn't see him the rest of the weekend and i felt victimized thinking "So you're leaving me when i need you to support me" (again, high stress=emotional=dramatic=poor boyfriend). I hear the door bell ring and I open the door to this....

7 balloons signifying the number of "completion" all in my favorite colors, Hello Kitty GIANT SIZED, and goodies for me to snack on while studying. Along with my goodies was the sweetest page and a half letter....

His thoughtful gesture humbled me and I apologized for my attitude. I explained to him how i get when i'm stressed and how he was my victim of my stress. I told him I felt needy and knew i was being ridiculous but I wanted him there, though i failed to notice he'd been there every second of the way. I apologized and when I read the letter, I cried.

Gosh I love this boy! How did I get so blessed with such a patient boyfriend? He could have easily snapped back at my crappy attitude, but instead he surprised me with the sweetest gesture I could have ever asked for. He is understanding, kind, patient and above all he shows me and tells me every day that he loves me. I'm so grateful!!

I'm huge on knowing how your significant other reacts under all sorts of situations, and good golly we are REALLY getting to know every corner of our personality and we get through all tough situations because we have patience, communication and amor.

I apologized the rest of the night. After the reception we had family dinner at my brothers which was so fun! Then, we ended the night just cuddling talking about us, the future and you know, life.

PS. I PASSED MY HESI JUST FINE :)

"Relationships 101" I wished such a class existed...

So, I'm new at this whole relationship thing. Max is my first legit boyfriend with the title and everything! I'm so used to doing the whole "hang out with a guy all the time and flirt and hold hands but it doesn't go further than that cause he's a chicken and i'm a sissylala" thing that now that i'm in a real relationship, I had no idea what to do!!

Here are some things i wished came with instructions:

1. How to set appropriate time limits. Without realizing it, I ended up demanding all his free time. And his free time is very limited with school and work. I wanted him to spend all his free time with me cause I'd always be so excited to spend time with him. BUTTTTTTT...I failed to recognize that he also deserved to spend time with his friends, just like I got to see mine while he was at work. Whenever he'd call me and would say he was going to a friends house before seeing me, i'd get upset cause i wanted him to be with me. ....I know, i sound like a typical crazy girlfriend right? But he was always so amazing and took all my crap, because he loves me. I always pouted whenever he didnt immediately come running to me but i was being selfish. I'm just so grateful that he never got mad at me for being a brat nor that he ever threw it in my face at how i was acting. He's so patient with me. I promise i'm changing my ways and realizing my lesson number 1: It is okay to not spend every second of our free time together. Sounds simple, but in the middle of my "oh i love you" stage i forgot to think of him and realize that it is okay that i'm not his only best friend.

2. How to compromise. Again, this is my first real relationship,...I used to think I was always so chill and that nothing ever bothered me. I still am like that, if you say jump i'll say how high...i dont mind doing things he wants to do. But sometimes he wants me to choose specifically what we do, or what music we listen to on the road. And i truly don't care! But he gets annoyed that i never choose. I HATE MAKING DECISIONS. sorry? So we compromised with it...I choose an activity, he chooses the next. I plug in what i like to listen to, even though he doesn't like hip hop/rap, and then ill listen to his John Mayer music. I learned to like John mayer. I'm the only girl in my family,..aka okay, i get things my way all the time. But now im learning my lesson number 2: Keep the party at peace, and compromise! I love him enough to drop my ghetto music and he loves me enough to listen to it whenever i want to get hyphy. aw yeah!!

3. How to be his girlfriend, not his mom. Sounds funny, but i have this thing called I worry too much. Yeah, it's a disease, I wanna take care of everyone and take everyone by the hand,...maybe it has to do with my career in Nursing?? but anyways,..when my boyfriend speeds, i get scared and tell him to slow down. yeah, i'm that girl. When he wants to spend money on cool gadgets for his car, i tell him to save his money! ...that's a reasonable one, but i gotta realize he's a boy, he wants his cool toys and i'm not his wife. If he doesn't wanna save, he doesn't have to. IIIII just want him to save cause i'm a worry wart about finances. again, life lesson number 3: Be the girlfriend more than the mom. I have his best interest at heart, that's okay, but i can't control him. oooooo

Now here's what gets me...he is so incredibly patient with me that he never ever complained of anything i do! I realized i was doing those things after a conversation with my cousin who is a psychiatrist (free advice session? yes please!). When i spoke with him, i apologized for all those things i did, ESPECIALLY #1 cause i'd always get so mad...he wasn't expecting it. But he's so so good to me that he never spoke up to me cause he loves me so much, he was willing to take all my crap. but how can i fix it if i didnt know? well now i know.

Relationships are hard work!! it's no longer the "darlene" show, it's now the "darlene has a boyfriend to be thoughtful of" show and i'm learning SO much!! I feel bad he has to put up with me, i can be such a brat. But every time i get those meaningful hugs where he holds me tight and whispers how much he loves me...it makes me want to be the best i can be for him! He is amazing to me, and i'm learning more and more every day :)

Again, i don't know where life will take us, but I know im learning a lot about relationships and myself.

He took me to build a bear on feb 13th for vday (i worked a 14 hr shift on vday) and he made me a cat that we dressed up as buzz lightyear. AKA BUZZ IN BOOTS!

Windy days, we built a buzz lightyear kite and flew it at a park. He really likes buzz lightyear.

Sedona trip :)

Gosh he's cute :)

I ruin pictures a lot

love himmmm

:)

yeah, I'm lucky :)

3 weeks in Peru !

I was born and raised in Lima, Peru until the age of 7 and I get the amazing opportunity to visit my beautiful Peru as often as possible. This year, I went for 3 weeks and spent my birthday, Christmas and New years there. oh how amazing!!


Birthday: ew, i turned 22. For some reason I wasn't exactly welcoming of this new age but what the hey, im young and in Peru!! Right at midnight, my bff cousin Noelia surprised me with my birthday cake while my family all sang to me. So sweet!! Noelia smashed the cake to my face. ...grrreat :) haha it was actually so fun, i had an amazing birthday! That day was my uncles wedding through the Catholic church. So i partied on my bday for their wedding and it was a blast!! Salsa dancing all night? yes please!! it's in my blood...i felt like a legit Latina :)


Christmas: FIREWORKS EVERYWHERE!!! right at midnight, we uncover baby Jesus as symbol of his birth...and right at midnight...BAM BAM...fireworks!! EVERYONE lit them off...the sky illuminated in bright colors and the celebration of our Saviors birth went on for hours!! how beautiful that all the neighbors came outside to hug another, wish each other the best, and set off fireworks in celebration of our Redeemer...it was beautiful!! [[never have i hugged and kissed so many strangers in one night! haha ]]

New years: Same firework spectacle in the sky :) This year we spent new years at my parent's bff's house. Great food, great family friends and lots of dancing of course.


This trip was very family centered and a time for me to relax and hang out in my Lima. I went to the capital and loved the celebration of Christmas everywhere. I got to spend the day in Miraflores and played at the beach and dined in Lancomar. It's beautiful! PERU IS BEAUTIFUL!

We went to a fishing doc called Pacusana and it was beautiful!! i took a little boat to a near by island where the water was so warm.

We also went to a huge cultural show called LAS BRISAS DEL TITICACA...best show of my life!!! my culture is stunning...I am so PROUD of the beauty and richness of my culture. WOOT WOOT!!!


EARTHQUAKES... So on a sunday night, i was on the phone with my handsome boyfriend (who btw, he set his alarm early every morning just so he could call me and talk to me every single day!! What a stud!) ....anyways, we were on the phone when suddenly I heard a LOUD RUMBLE and i was confused. "MOM? what is that?!!"...i turned the corner to where my family was sitting to find my cousin Noelia holding her chest as she panicked in tears...i was so confused and Max kept saying into the phone "what's happening?"...I looked at my mom and she ran to grab me and Noelia and ran us into the bathroom. My dad yelled "oh nothing it's a...garbage truck" as he ran for the keys to unlock the front door. Still, i was very confused cause this LOUD RUMBLE began to get intense and before i knew it, my LEGS WERE SHAKING OFF THE GROUND...my knees went weak and i heard my cousin scream "EARTHQUAKE!!"....HOLY POOP ON A STICK MY BODY WENT NUMB!!! Max kept asking "what's happening?! answer me!" and i simply whispered "earthquake"....I never have felt my heart sink so much, i held on to the phone as i hugged my mom tight and had my arms around my crying cousin. My Dad got the door unlocked and told us we'd have to go out into the street in case it got worse. (the way the houses are built in peru is UP...so safest zones are either your bathroom or out in the middle of the street). Poor Max was freaking out on the phone while I stood in shock as i saw the paintings on the wall shake off the nails. FINALLY after what felt like an eternity, IT STOPPED. My heart began to beat again and i felt the blood returning to my face. My poor cousin has panic attacks because Peru gets BAD earthquakes and she freaked out. My mom hugged me and thanked the Lord it was over. My dad said he had to lie and say it was a garbage truck so that i wouldn't freak out but...uh...the vibrating floor and shaking, rumbling kinda gave it away. SO SCARY!!! Poor Max was so scared saying how he's grateful we never lost connection cause he wouldn't have known what to do not knowing if i was okay. He kinda loves me.

That day trip i took to Pucusana, ANOTHER EARTHQUAKE hit. My mom has a 5th sense for them and stood up from the lunch table the second she "felt it coming" and again grabbed me into safety. Mommy's sure do love their children for she immediately placed ME in safety first. I LOVE MY MOMMY!!

BUT I OFFICIALLY HATE EARTHQUAKES WITH ALL MY HEART!! (at school, we are on the 3rd floor and when the elevators shake it feels like the ground is rumbling...well when that happens, my heart dropped and i hold on tight thinking im gonna experience an earthquake...great, im traumatized)

anyways, uhm I LOVE PERU!! I LOVE THE FOOD!!! I LOVE MY FAMILYYYYY AND I LOVE MY CULTURE!!

MARCH 2013....me and my BFF TORI are going to travel the beauty of my peru in a little city ya'll might know as CUZCO...or..MACHU PICCHU!!! yeeeeah budddy!!!! can't wait!!! Also, BRASIL? oh yeahh....it's happening!!

This boy...

Makes me happy.


I don't know where life will take us but regardless of whatever comes our way, I have found a best friend in him. He's a convert and I love his testimony. He wants to serve a mission. I know,...my poor heart. I'm so proud of him though and will support him all the way. We have a while for that to happen, so until then i'm gonna enjoy every minute that he makes me laugh and tells me I'm beautiful. I never got the whole "I feel safe in his arms" statement until I met him. I could go on forever about him, but i'll save the mooshy stuff for my journal.wah, I Luff him!!

LABOR AND DELIVERY

I am so happy to be in my OB rotation in clinicals and I have had the privilege to be a Nurse in the Post partum unit. Babies are cuties!!

However, I finally had my turn in Labor and Delivery .

Within the first hour of being on my floor, my patients water broke. It seemed more someone threw a bucket of water on the bed...SO MUCH LIQUID!!

spontaneous breakage of the membrane: baby is coming!

After frequent checks, the words finally came: " Yep, you are at 10cm +2 dilated, let's start pushing in a few minutes"

Long story made short, I walked into my patients room at 11:00 am, and literally did not step out of that room until 2:40pm .

I assisted with holding her leg, AKA i had a front row seat to the most beautiful experience a woman can go through. Needless to say, this was my face throughout it:

"ONE MORE PUSH THIS IS IT!!!"....here came the head followed by a splash of amniotic fluid and lots and lots of blood. "Mom, look down and see your baby"...."HOLY CRAP!!"...hahaha her reaction was awesome!! Seconds after suctioning, the body of the baby followed the delivery of the head along with the most beautiful sound in the world: Babie's first breath- its first cry. cut here, cut there, "here dad cut the cord", wipe wipe wipe,..

We immediately placed the baby on mom's chest and welcomed into the world a healthy baby. I was a hot mess crying and saying Happy birthday to the baby <--- haha I WOULD!

The Physician cleaned up the mess of the birth and fixed up what needed to be fixed down there. I stood watching in disgust at how GROSS the body can be...all the things coming out from down there were nasssty. BUT IT IS ALL BEAUTIFUL AT THE SAME TIME. WE WOMEN ARE SO BLESSED TO HAVE THE GIFT OF CARRYING LIFE WITHIN US FOR 40 WEEKS.

AMAZING. I still can't believe i experienced this, im so grateful to be a part of such a special day for mom and dad.

Life...is beautiful.

Lately

Life has been a roller coaster ride and i dont know how the heck i'm holding on


Okay, that sounds like i mean it in a bad way, which i don't. I just mean it's been SO BUSY with so many responsibilities that I have no idea how I have the strength to do all of it.

Example of my life:

Monday: wake up at 0500, hit the road at 0545, clinical from 0630-1600. Home, dinner, clinical prep work for Tuesday, bed.

Tuesday: Wake up at 0430, hit the road by 0500, clinical from 0545-1900, home shower dinner BED!

Wednesday: sleep in FINALLY. homework, study study study, work, study study, BED!

Thursday: wake at 0600, school till 1400, work, home dinner bed.

Friday: Wake at 0600, school till 1400, work, home, PLAY TIME, BED.

Saturday: WORK WORK, study study study, Church calling, PLAY TIME. bed.

Sunday: THANK GOODNESS FOR MY BELOVED SABBATH!! i can breathe!!


okay, so laying it out it doesn't seem TOO bad. But when i barely have time for my family i know i have to prioritize better. School is ripping me apart but im grateful to be doing well.

Clinicals have been an adventure. I learned that i am a lot more emotional than i thought i was. You won't ever see me crying over a boy or something like that,..but you will see me bawl with some of these special patients i've had that have touched my life. Im grateful for my career choice and grateful for supporting parents that have dinner waiting for me when i get home from a 14 hour day. For my mom's kindness in doing my laundry cause she see's me asleep over my books after a long day of clinicals. I'm so lucky!

Life has been full but im learning so much and growing so much. I have a sweet fella that im dating and he has been so supportive with school and doesn't complain on how little time i make for him. Nothing serious with him, we're still getting to know each other but i'm just grateful for his understanding and patience with me and for the sweet friendship i have with him.

Also, I GET TO GO TO PERU IN 6 WEEKS!!!!!!! AHHH IM SO EXCITED I COULD PEE!!

i.am.grateful.

Alma The Younger,...??

So, many of you know the story of Alma the Younger. Wicked at one time but righteous after a sincere change of heart. Probably one of my favorite stories because it shows how it's never too late to come unto Christ and repent of our sins.

But here's my dilemma, what does a worthy Young Woman do when faced with the decision of dating a modern day Alma the Younger?

This modern day Alma the Younger is a recent convert with the sweetest testimony of our Savior. I love every bit of the conversion story and it's all a testimony builder to me on the truthfulness of the Church. I know Satan tempts us the most when we are trying our hardest to live righteously but I know our Savior knows the righteous desires of our heart.

So what if my modern day alma the younger recently fell into temptation and went against the word of wisdom? I believe in the righteous desires of the heart but when it comes to dating a modern day Alma, it's a lot harder to see the big picture.

So, should a dating relationship with a modern day Alma the Younger be put on hold and establish just a friendship until they strengthen themselves, or should a dating relationship continue and hope he doesn't fall into temptation again?


- Oh the beauty of life and choices!