I lack the big C word: CONFIDENCE

So,...I love Instagram. I barely use it to post my own pictures, but i sure do enjoy seeing everyone's creative pictures or awesome life. But I do notice a lot of girls posting pictures of themselves wearing super fashionable clothes, perfect make up and perfect hair. They have the perfect accessories, shoes, pretty nails and PERFECT body. Then I do the big "uh oh"...


...I am 100% guilty for sitting there and comparing myself to these beautiful girls with perfect everything! why why why why why???

Truth: Never have I ever cared about my weight. I know i'm not skinny, but I know i'm not morbidly obese. I eat whatever I want (Shoot, i had my gallbladder removed last year due to poor food choices), I drank soda all day for every meal and in between meals, I hate make up and go without it, and i HATE doing my hair/ I dont know HOW to do my hair so it's just...there. 

Anyways, I will sit there and think: "She has the perfect body" "I will never have a waist like that" "I have no idea how to wear make up! what the heck is foundation and why do girls wear it? uhh what's concieler? how do you spell concieler? I wished i had long eye lashes. My teeth need to be more white. I need to start doing something to my hair".....THE LIST GOES ON.

I dont understand where these girls get the time or money to be so gorgeous!! I envy them! I wished I had time in the morning to get up, do my hair and tease it perfectly, take my time with my make up and make myself look flawless. I wished I had money to even go shopping for something new and to rock it everyday with my awesome accessories and perfect heals to match. GOODNESS I CAN'T EVEN WALK IN HIGH HEALS!! I wanna be like them all the time!!

Instead, here is my look 5/7 days of the week: 

Sweat pants, tshirt, hair not done, no make up (hence glasses), and whatever i find for my feet. 

I only get ready for dates with Max and Sunday. 

But i realize, not doing anything to make myself feel pretty has REALLY brought me down. I feel so un girly!!

I can't paint my nails for school, i have to have my hair up in a high bun for school and clinicals, i get up at 5am for a 14 hour shift so i dont even bother putting on blush, and I go to the gym about 2 times a week for ZUMBA which i rock but I dont do any weights! I dropped the soda though and am now on 3 weeks with no caffeine! uh, it's killing me! I need soda. fatgirlproblems.

I has the sweetest boyfraan who tells me i'm retarded for ever comparing myself cause to him i'm perfect, blah blah you know...all the stuff a good man is supposed to say. haha! I do appreciate it though.

But then crazy me sees pics of his ex's and how they're perfectly thin and fashionable and girly, and i get so insecure. i suck? yep.

Goal:

1. Wear make up more often. A little mascara and blush can make a difference, i hope?
2. Learn a hair style I can do. Youtube has to have tutorials? ;)
3. Don't shop for new clothes. Save money. I'm in school. priorities: saving my little income for bigger things. I can work with what i have ;)
4. Wear something besides OLD NAVY flip flops. 
5. Learn how to do weight lifting? Maybe? or at least do pushups and sit ups before bed. BUT DON'T OBSESS WITH IT. I AM HEALTHY AND GRATEFUL FOR NO COMORBIDITIES.
6. Remember a smile is never ugly
7. STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO THE PRETTY GIRLS  I'M FRIENDS WITH! they're gorgeous but I can be gorgeous too!
8. Listen to Max when he's telling me what I deserve. He's with me for a reason right?
9. Media makes skinny be what is expected, but a girl's gotta have some curves, right? ;)
10. Dress up sometimes. Don't wear sweatpants 6/7 days!! 

I'm awesome. :)