The Proposal

Background info: So we both chose my ring a while ago, and it went to get sized and everything. Then max tells me that they messed up and sautered everything together. I was so upset and even had nightmares! He said it'd be back from the jewelers by next week. He even gave me names of people he spoke to and everything so, i believed him. Okay, continue,....

So, my sweetheart and I both have "see as many Temples as we can in our life time" in our Bucket List. Great plan, yeah? Max knows this and says to me about a week ago:

Max: "Hey, we should go see all the AZ Temples this weekend,...make a road trip out of it"

Me: "eh, I'm down to see one each weekend,...seeing all 3 working Temples in one weekend is too much driving"

Max: "C'mon, please,...we both have been working so much and need a mini get away. I'll plan it, let's just do it and see them all"

Me: "hokay honayy!"

What a sweet man to plan it all! haha! So Saturday Sept 14th comes around and after he gets off work, we hit the road to our first stop: Snowflake, AZ. 

I love hitting the road, like A LOT! anything that gets me away from the city melts my heart, and he knows that,...so he said he wanted to drive the whole way so that i could unwind from my first week at my new job and enjoy the scenery. Thoughtful man of mine :) 

*(i'm a weirdo, i know)*

So we drive up to our hotel (don't think bad) and checked in and realized, "Oh heyyy it's kinda dang cold right now and we have no sweaters". It was fine though, cause the cold weather was VERY welcomed after being in the blazing valley! 

We were eager to see the Temple so we quickly dropped off our stuff and drove about 5 minutes to the Temple. Coming around the hill and seeing the majestic beauty of the Temple on the hill, with the breath taking lighting....ahh...we got CHILLS! it was one heck of a view!

*(This pic doesn't do it justice. Just go and see it for yourself!)*

Temple ground gates were opened so we walked around it like two little kids at Disneyland for their first time. It was BEAUTIFUL! I can't describe it enough to do it justice,...it was all just perfect. The building, the spirit there, the weather, my sweetheart....ahh what a good idea of his to see Temples this weekend! 

It was around 830pm when we left and decided to explore the town and find a "hole in the wall" restaurant to check out. I LOVE finding cute "hole in the wall" places to eat at,...like a LOT! We drove around and called a few places that my sweet friend Alyssa Duff recommended. Sadly, they were closed so we continued to drive around until we came across this gem:

We walked in to a very friendly gentleman who made us feel like we were going to our local "usual spot" to eat and unwind. It was a cute place and I loved it! It was an adventure for me :)

My sweetheart and I played pool and i totally won! It was fun...probably seems like "EH" to anyone else but this was all so perfect for me. Road tripping, finding cute friendly "hole in the wall" places to eat and shoot pool at, nice friendly people....I was so happy! (if you're wondering, yes this place also had computers for people to hop on and the other side had big screen tv with the boxing fight streaming,...super cute!)

We finished dinner with a satisfied belly and continued to drive around just exploring. They had gorgeous church buildings too! Anyways, we called it a night and went back to the hotel to say goodnight.

Day Two: September 15th, 2013. Life changing day :) 

I woke up excited to continue our road trip to the Gila Valley Temple. We got ready in our Sunday Best and decided to hit up the Snowflake Temple one more time before hitting the road.

We ran into a sweet elderly couple that traveled from Utah to see the Snowflake Temple, and we took turns taking each others pictures. From here, we hit the road.

There were many fields of pretty flowers and i kept saying how pretty it was, so my sweetheart did the following:

*(I wished i recorded it because there were lots of bees, like a LOT and my poor babe wouldn't give up on shooing them away just to get me my pretty flower. It's love! )*

Okay so it's Sunday, and we gotta eat...so we broke the sabbath by hitting up McDonalds. (there wasn't a lot of options for breakfast so don't judge haha). 

While in the drive through line, an elderly lady backed up into the car and hit us. I felt bad because she felt so bad and was nervous, so after exchanging full information (with the help of a Snowflake PD officer), i gave her a hug and wished i could take away her anxiety. Poor lady, accidents happen...all that matters is we were all safe. 

*(Thank goodness for insurances and for this being so minor. I've never been in any kind of car accident so i'm grateful this was a tiny collision)*

My sweetheart got us some grub and we hit the road to Pima, AZ for the Gila Valley Temple.

*(ahem, sooo i secretly hated the drive from snowflake to Pima. It was SOOO windy with narrow roads around the mountain,...and with the blazing sun in our face, it was just a scary drive. Still, we loved the beauty of the Arizona road)*

We finally got to the Gila Valley Temple around 2:30pm but unfortunately, Temple ground gates were closed! So we still walked around it and enjoyed the view!

It was fun to see this temple because the last time i saw it, was on the way to Thatcher and it was under construction. My baby was so amazing to plan this weekend for me, we LOVE to see the Temples!

After our time at Gila Valley, we hit the road and found lunch at good o' Taco Bell. We then continued to hit the road until we got to the beautiful Mesa, AZ Temple...

We didn't take as many pics here cause we have tons already from living here! haha! But these were special since it ended our road trip of the working AZ Temples. We fell in love with the Mesa temple all over again! it is definitely HOME. So special and gorgeous and we dropped our jaws at its beauty, all over again. It was a sweet appreciation for what we have in our own backyards! the Mesa temple is HOME and its PERFECT!!! 

 It is now 5:30pm and I am flaming hot from my cardigan and tired and wanting to go home. We left the Temple and went to QT to fill up. Now, every time we go to QT, it's tradition that my sweetheart buys me the Spongebob ice cream. (i'll grow up eventually, okay!?) As he fills up the tank he says, "Do you want your spongebob?" to which i reply in a silly kid voice, "nooooooOOoooo, me tired, no wanna walk". he laughs and says "Please? go get your spongebob, it'll make you happy"...to which i repeated "Nooooooooo me no wanna! me sit here". (hahah yeah, i talk funny when im being cute okay?). I faced forward as he was outside pumping gas, and then i hear the back seat door open. I didn't look back. When he opened it again, i looked back this time and saw him putting his duffle bag back in the car. I asked him "what are you doing?" to which he responded "oh, nothing". I didn't think ANYTHING of it. He gets back in the car ...

Max: "ehhhh, I don't wanna go home"

Me: "well then let's go to my house, im exhausted"

Max: "I don't want to go to your house either....I have an idea, let's go to the Greenfield park. I know if I go home i'll fall asleep and i need to stay awake or i won't sleep tonight"

Me: "hokayyy honayyy, but not for long cause i'm so tired"

Background info: The greenfield observatory park is where I took Max to on the VERY FIRST night we ever hung out. We sat under the gazeebo and he shared his conversion story, and we had great deep conversations there. very special place. Okay continue.,...

We get to park and walk around the pond, over the bridge, and up to where our gazeebo is. We saw two teenage boys sitting in there so we awkwardly stood there until they left. haha suckers!

We sat up on the steps under the gazeebo and I happened to say "aww remember when i took you here for the first time and we sat right here? awww" ( I was being silly). Max was kinda antsy but I didn't think anything of it cause, hello, my ring is being fixed and this was just a bucket list roadtrip. We chatted and hugged and kissed and I, being a girl, began to complain "okay let's go home now, it's flaming hot and im sweaty and tired" (when i complain, im not mean, i say it playfully and silly so don't think im a brat haha)

anyways, here's where it gets good.....

Max jumps down from the steps and holds his hand out to help me down. We hug and kiss and right as im about to take a step to start heading out,...he says , "hey,..."....and gets down on one knee!!

At this point, i have a million thoughts running through my head! butterflies were going crazy in my tummy!

He starts to smile and grabs my hand as he begins to speak.....now out of my own nervousness and freaking out,...i began to smack him on the head and said "ohh my goshhhh what are you doing!!!!" hahahahahahaha!! guys, it's hilarious!!  He smiles so big and begins to say (im paraphrasing, remember i was freaking out and attacking my poor man while he's trying to propose)...

Max: "I know you wanted to see all the Temples, so I took you to see all the Arizona Temples this weekend, ....and now, I want to take you back to the Mesa one for time and all eternity. We have been through a lot together, and this is the spot where we began chapter one of our relationship,....and it is here that I want to start Chapter Two *puts the ring on my finger* Will you marry me?"......

Okay so as he's talking to me these sweet loving words, im still freaking out, crying, smacking him and kissing his forehead and then petting his face...hahaha i freaked out okay?

He stood up and we hugged and kissed and of course i said, YES!!

Ohhhhh my amazing Max pulled it off! He totally tricked me into thinking my ring wouldn't be fixed till this upcoming week. I was surprised and he definitely made this entire weekend a DREAM! I couldn't have asked for a better weekend with my best friend, and soon to be eternal companion. We are in looooove :)

December 14th, 2013

Here's to the beginning of Chapter 2 in our lives: Engaged !

PTSD from the NCLEX

Graduation!! 

Pinning and Graduation was the happiest day and biggest accomplishment of my life!! I graduated on December 14th and I took my State Boards on January 17th, 2013!!

January 17th, 2013 NCLEX

\

 My big testing day came fast....

...I wasn't sure if i had done the right thing by taking my boards soooo soon after graduating, but I wanted my name to be read as "RN" at Pinning on January 25th. I studied, but I knew i could have studied harder and more diligently. But oh well. 

I began to pull out of my driveway to see my Dad walk outside and wave me goodbye and good luck. I lost it. I began to cry cause it was right then that it hit me : I am driving to my "future". If I passed, I'm a nurse...if i fail,...i wait longer to become a nurse. It was SO SCARY!! I began to Pray and started a conversation with my Heavenly Father. I felt comforted.

I pulled up to the testing center and remained in my car as I finished up my Chick-fil-a Chicken Nuggets! (mmmMMmMM...no shame). I said one more prayer and got out of my car. 

I went upstairs and got all settled in to test. I walked up to the computer and hit "START"...this was it. The BIGGEST TEST OF MY ENTIRE LIFE was happening. No turning back. 

There is a minimum of 75 questions and a max of 265 questions. You can pass or fail at 75 or at 265 questions. I was prideful and said "here comes question 75, i'll be done..."...Wellllll...

....75...

....80...

...90.......okay....i'm sure i'll be done soon, right? I don't think the computer will take me all the way to 265 questions....i think?

....100....

.....150.......uhhh are you kidding me?

fast forward a total of 5 freaking long and painful hours......

265!! ....The computer took me all the way through every single question. 265 questions, 265 chances to fight for my license.

Throughout the test, I prayed. I talked to my Heavenly Father and simply said "Please, be with me at this time and guide me. I need thy comfort to think clearly"....i repeated that to myself. Pleading for my Savior to be with me.

After a couple of hours,...this stupid song popped in my head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sb15GTUjtE

I COULD NOT GET THAT OUT OF MY HEAD!!

I began to freak out a little bit. 

• I was exhausted
• my eyes hurt
• i was hungry
• i was thirsty
• my eye sight was getting really blurry
• I felt like i had no idea what i was reading
• i wanted to play with my chihuahua
• i wanted to be done! 

longest test of my entire life! longest feeling of uncertainty. longest feeling of failure!! 

I can't explain how it feels unless you take some kind of boards that decides your fate! I got home in the worst of moods. i felt so defeated! I was so sure I failed. I didn't feel confidence at all!!

My parents asked how it went and i simply said "i don't wanna talk about it"

Max came over and I wouldn't talk about it, but instead made him get PITCH PERFECT for us to watch. I was grumpy. I was sad. i was defeated!!! I have never felt so depressed in my life! worst feeling ever.

fast forward to the next day around 11am....i get a phone call from another nurse friend who said...

"Congratulations Nurse Darlene!"

cue tears!! I began to cry so hard. I could not believe it. I felt so lost the night before and so sad. BUT HELLO....WHERE WAS MY FAITH? MY HOPE? MY POSITIVISM? 

I had thrown the towel in way too soon! I threw my faith and hope out the door before praying for it again. i lost it for those few hours but i was humbled the day after. 

I DID IT!!

REGISTERED NURSE!!

It's now April and I still don't have a job. However, I am not throwing in the towel or getting depressed about it. I learned to have more faith in my self and pray for that comfort. It's all in due time. It will come when it will come. In the mean time, i won't give up on trying and i'll push forward. TIMING IS EVERYTHING. And I will never throw the towel in again.

PS. Every time i think of the NCLEX, i get knots in my stomach. EEK!!

PTSD???

October 24th Anniversary

October 24th marked our one year of dating!

This year has been such a growing and learning experience. If anyone says "relationships are so easy, piece of cake and you'll always be happy" is a filthy liar who needs a reality check.

Relationships are hard work!! But we chose to work at it every single day because of all the sweet sweet love we have for each other! There is no one else I'd rather work for than this guy! He's worth it. 

• There have been times when insecurities and jealousy get the best of me. Same for him.
• There's been times when my pride gets in the way of forgiving quickly. Same for him.
• There's been times when I want more attention and when I don't get it, I pout and take offense. He forgives me the second i apologize when I realize i'm being a booger.
• There's been times when I get upset over NOTHING and instead of dropping it, i drag it on and on because I have a tendency to want to have the last word. He puts up with my crap and doesn't put me down,...he just waits for me to "snap out of it" and accepts my apology.
• There's been times where he gets mad thinking of other boys I have liked cause he gets jealous. I forgive him quickly too cause i understand we both have insecurities. 
• There's been times where he suffers the full effects of my PMS. Oops? I get so snappy and mean and irritated with everything he does. But he is so patient and kind,...I don't know how he does it. I even get annoyed with myself!!
• There's been times where he gets mad at things that seem "dumb boy stuff" to me. But i am learning to be understanding and patient with him, just like he is with me. 

I could go on forever on all that we have learned this year. I have learned so much that I can't even put into words all that this relationship has taught me. 

October 24th, 2012

I came home from school to a dozen BEAUTIFUL long stem red roses! my heart melted! They were gorgeous!! Next to it was a little box full of little movietickets, calling cards (from when I went to Peru and he would call me every single morning), airplane tickets, etc...it was a memory box. He has a big memory box but this one he gave to me with a few of his own memories from our year together in order for me to start my own. Next to it was the sweetest 2 page letter. A looooove letter ;) I cried my eyes out. 

That night, he told me to get dressed up cause he made reservations. OoOoohh la la!! When he showed up I gave him his gift from me. A CD-Movie I made of our entire year in pictures, videos and song. I'm kinda awesome. Then we gave each other our nice gift. 

I got him a pair of the new Nike free runs 4.0. Ballllin'!! He loved them and he deserved them!

He got me a STUNNING gold and silver colored Michael Kors watch. Flossssssy!!

Dinner was at "the house of tricks". It was gorgeous but wayyyyy ridiculously expensive. So, i thanked him so much for wanting to make our night so special but that was too much. So, we did "US" and went to PANDA! Then we just hung out together like usual. It was perfect! I had my perfect guy and a perfect learning year together. 

Love is sweet. I don't know where I would be with out him in my life. I cannot wait for next year ;)

The attack of the OVARIAN CYST

Once upon a time, Darlene and Max were at Max's house getting ready to go to the movies on a beautiful Thursday eve. Everything was fine and dandy until Darlene felt a stabbing sensation and exclaimed, "Ouch!!!". Suddenly, she found herself doing this: 

In absolute confusion, Max turns to Darlene and says "what?! what's the matter?!". The young man's facial expression was a little something like this:

Darlene began to calm down a little bit and in a trembling voice said, "I have no idea! it feels like my uterus is trying to fall out! I have sharp pain and it feels like something in me is putting sharp pressure downwards, it hurts!!"...Before Max could respond, Darlene tried standing up and immediately fell back down in pain stating "Ohhhhh ouuuuchhhh, I can't take this pain!". Max immediately reached for her hand and rubbed Darlene's back and stated, "Babe I can't stand to see you in pain. I have no idea what this could be, I think we need to go to Urgent Care, now!". Stubborn as a mule, Darlene refused and wanted to lay down in case the pain just went away. Besides, she doesn't have health insurance and can't afford and emergency visit.

About 2 minutes went by before the pain worsened. Darlene was curled over in pain and finally agreed to be taken to Urgent Care. Max drove there while holding her hand along the way, his face as pale as paper showing concern and fear. 

They arrived at Urgent care and Darlene was able to speak without crying. When it was finally time to be triaged, Darlene stood up to see the Nurse and nearly collapsed. The pain was so bad, that standing up made it worse, and taking any steps to walk made it seem like she was approaching an agonizing death. Tears began to flow out as Darlene's arm began to shake. Max rushed for a wheelchair and sat Darlene down. The nurse asked her questions and noted Darlene's pain at a 10/10. She did not offer pain medication. Darlene was upset. The Urgent Care physician approached the bawling patient and her concerned boyfriend. Questions were made and a conclusion by the physician stated, " Due to this being a gynocological problem, it is out of my scope. We don't have Ultrasound here, so i suggest we transfer you immediately to Mercy Gilbert ER! We need to see what is causing the pain and only they can do it." Angry that nothing was done, Darlene opted to go back home due to not being able to afford an ER visit.

Poor Max was at Darlene's bedside for the following hours, doing everything for her in order to simply lay down and rest. He even fed her jello since she hadn't eaten anything. The pain was still there. Sharp and stabbing pain that made darlene want to vomit. It was the worst pain experienced by this young woman. 

THE NEXT DAY:

Pain was still there, thankfully now at a stable 3/10. Still, Darlene sat through a 5 hour lecture and was ever so careful when walking. Upon getting home, her mom and her began to call every clinic they could to see who did discounts on non-insured patients. Ultrasounds cost a lot of money, and seeing the doctor alone just to get an order was going to cost $115. This seemed ridiculous!!

FINALLY, a family friend suggested a small Hispanic clinic that does general medicine at a very affordable price. The sweet and concerned mom took no time in dragging Darlene to the clinic.

4:10pm: They arrive at the clinic and Darlene explains her situation to the front desk lady, who was extremely caring and attentive to detail. She said that at 4:00pm, the ultrasound man leaves and is done for the day. The ultrasound man happened to have been listening and stated, "no, it's okay, I want to her help, give me a few minutes to set up the machine". WOW what a BLESSING!! The kind man set everything up and took Darlene and her mom into the room. While performing the diagnostic test, the pain came back and the girl exclaimed "OUCH!! it hurts right THERE!!"....a few personal questions about Darlene's menstrual cycle was asked and finally the man said, 

"there it is, you my dear have a CYST on your RIGHT OVARY. The left ovary looks perfect but your right one is carrying a nasty angry cyst! Come back Tuesday to speak with the physician and get your ultrasound"

The kinda man continued to explain how a cyst develops and how Darlene's was a common one, that most women will get in their lifetime.

Can't believe how painful those boogers are!! Now, Darlene just has to wait until that sucker bursts which will cause more pain and a little bit of blood, but that will be the end of the monster.

being a girl is great, isn't it? 

I lack the big C word: CONFIDENCE

So,...I love Instagram. I barely use it to post my own pictures, but i sure do enjoy seeing everyone's creative pictures or awesome life. But I do notice a lot of girls posting pictures of themselves wearing super fashionable clothes, perfect make up and perfect hair. They have the perfect accessories, shoes, pretty nails and PERFECT body. Then I do the big "uh oh"...


...I am 100% guilty for sitting there and comparing myself to these beautiful girls with perfect everything! why why why why why???

Truth: Never have I ever cared about my weight. I know i'm not skinny, but I know i'm not morbidly obese. I eat whatever I want (Shoot, i had my gallbladder removed last year due to poor food choices), I drank soda all day for every meal and in between meals, I hate make up and go without it, and i HATE doing my hair/ I dont know HOW to do my hair so it's just...there. 

Anyways, I will sit there and think: "She has the perfect body" "I will never have a waist like that" "I have no idea how to wear make up! what the heck is foundation and why do girls wear it? uhh what's concieler? how do you spell concieler? I wished i had long eye lashes. My teeth need to be more white. I need to start doing something to my hair".....THE LIST GOES ON.

I dont understand where these girls get the time or money to be so gorgeous!! I envy them! I wished I had time in the morning to get up, do my hair and tease it perfectly, take my time with my make up and make myself look flawless. I wished I had money to even go shopping for something new and to rock it everyday with my awesome accessories and perfect heals to match. GOODNESS I CAN'T EVEN WALK IN HIGH HEALS!! I wanna be like them all the time!!

Instead, here is my look 5/7 days of the week: 

Sweat pants, tshirt, hair not done, no make up (hence glasses), and whatever i find for my feet. 

I only get ready for dates with Max and Sunday. 

But i realize, not doing anything to make myself feel pretty has REALLY brought me down. I feel so un girly!!

I can't paint my nails for school, i have to have my hair up in a high bun for school and clinicals, i get up at 5am for a 14 hour shift so i dont even bother putting on blush, and I go to the gym about 2 times a week for ZUMBA which i rock but I dont do any weights! I dropped the soda though and am now on 3 weeks with no caffeine! uh, it's killing me! I need soda. fatgirlproblems.

I has the sweetest boyfraan who tells me i'm retarded for ever comparing myself cause to him i'm perfect, blah blah you know...all the stuff a good man is supposed to say. haha! I do appreciate it though.

But then crazy me sees pics of his ex's and how they're perfectly thin and fashionable and girly, and i get so insecure. i suck? yep.

Goal:

1. Wear make up more often. A little mascara and blush can make a difference, i hope?
2. Learn a hair style I can do. Youtube has to have tutorials? ;)
3. Don't shop for new clothes. Save money. I'm in school. priorities: saving my little income for bigger things. I can work with what i have ;)
4. Wear something besides OLD NAVY flip flops. 
5. Learn how to do weight lifting? Maybe? or at least do pushups and sit ups before bed. BUT DON'T OBSESS WITH IT. I AM HEALTHY AND GRATEFUL FOR NO COMORBIDITIES.
6. Remember a smile is never ugly
7. STOP COMPARING MYSELF TO THE PRETTY GIRLS  I'M FRIENDS WITH! they're gorgeous but I can be gorgeous too!
8. Listen to Max when he's telling me what I deserve. He's with me for a reason right?
9. Media makes skinny be what is expected, but a girl's gotta have some curves, right? ;)
10. Dress up sometimes. Don't wear sweatpants 6/7 days!! 

I'm awesome. :)